Sunday, May 31, 2009

Wed-Locked 4

Previously on W E D - L O C K E D
I closed my eyes, and got lost in my thoughts and miseries, 7asait enna my family was cloned and replaced by those people that I did not recognize at all. It was scary. . .

O N E . w e e k . L a t e r

mom " RO'9aaa!! LBSEee ur white dress now! 7ermat el mkyaaj is coming any second!!!!!!!!!"

I've been staring at the mirror for the past hour, not looking at my face but sar7ana and thinking about EVERYThing that happened this week! From dropping out of my scholarship for AUS, to buying this wedding dress that I looked hot in ( even though I did not want to get married, It's still MY Wedding, I had to get a hot dress! to enjoy it a tiny bit at least? :( ...)
Even though I tried to push the thought behind todays Event, I couldn't help NOT thinking about the mmm,, other part of marriage,, I mean does marrying him mean I have to sleep with him???!!! I do NOT think I'm ready, although my mom had the 'talk' with me this week ( let me tell you it was the weirdest thing EveR! ) and I cried when she finished talking because everything was happening too fast for me! WAy too fast. But I mean, lailat el da5la has always freaked the hell out of me, and in this situation it just freaks me out MORE! I did not even see his face yet ( yes my dad did not allow me to see him or talk to him, I did not really hear the excuse he used because i stopped taking what he said into consideration because it all did not make any sense anymore!) I was literally a corpse today, even though I felt like crying I couldn't, it was like I have used up ALL the tears that my eyes had during this week! ANd the make up that they put on my face made me look more like a corpse, or a clown corpse! But I did not bother complaining.

mom " ro'9a 10 minutes w bn6al3ch!" *rushed in and out of the room *

For some reason my mom was so excited about the wedding, she interpreted my corpse-ness as that I'm 'nervous', It was like she forgot that I was forced into all of this . . .
I took one more look at the full view mirror near the door, and everything seemed perfect, the hot strapless dress that perfectly fitted my body, I wasn't too thin, nor too fat, y3ne normal, right in the middle, I worked out a lot because I always thought I would want my husband to be hot, so it's only fair if I was fairly hot too. I got a weird feeling in my stomach at that thought, it hurt. But I ignored it, and looked at the 6agem I was wearing, It was huge, and full of diamonds, y3ne ana ma3rf fe hal swalf but it looked EXPENSIVE, ok I can't deny the fact that i Loved it, bs I knew enna they only bought it for me to show how 'rich' they are to the guests sitting out there... oh shit! mabgaa shaay I'm going out any second!! *GULP*, as I said everything seemed perfect on the outside, except the fact that I was not smiling, and I did not even consider that as an option, I do not know how to fake smile, that's just how I am.:) ( yes I know what you're thinking, my Wedding album Is going to be filled with pictures of my corpse face that I have today but at that moment that was my LAST concern!)
My mom rushed back in and signaled me with her hand to come, I tightened my hand around the bouquet I was holding as they were starting to quiver,inhaled deeply, and took my first step, this was it, starting tonight my life would be different, I'm a married woman now(who did not yet see her husband -__-), I wanted to cry but I held it in and walked into the hall as soon as the song for my da5la started playing.

I walked step by step not knowing what the song they put up for me was ( I usually listened to english songs, arabic songs on the other hand were not my thing, although I knew very few of them thanks to fatooma) ,I looked towards the right wall, then the left wall, not bothering making any eye contact although I spotted some of my cousins smiling towards me. It seemed like a century has passed by the time I reached my destination. My mom came towards me with a fake smile, I could tell she was angry because I should have walked more on the stage but I did not want to. She sat beside me and complained about that, but I did not bother explain myself as I was staring into the space in front of me, with no expression on my face whatsoever.

mom *holding my hands* "ro'9a, look at me please"

she said that with the voice of my mom that I haven't heard for a while, a concerned sincere voice, I couldn't ignore it, I've missed it so much, so I turned my face towards hers.

mom " ro'9a ana asfa, please don't hate me and your dad, I hope one day you will forgive us for all of this"

her eyes were starting to tear. She was my mom, I couldn't help looking at her like this although they've put me through hell, so I just nodded to her and gave her a slight smile. I couldn't speak, my tongue was tied, 7asait enna if I said one word my tears would be following my words. She gave me a soft hug and then ran to welcome the people coming in. I felt so lonely sitting up there with everybody staring at me, something was missing, it wasn't long before I noticed what was missing, I saw her approaching me walking on the stage with her beautiful figure, her dress was golden, roman style and she left her hair in a wavy messy, yet amazing hairdo! My eyes brightened at the sight of her and I couldn't help not smiling back to her.

me "FatOOMAaaaaaaaaaa!"
fatoomaaa " ay roo'9oo! enti 3aroos 3aib lat9ar5eeen! hhehe fashalteennaa!"

she came and sat beside me holding my hands, and we both flashed a smile to the camera woman as she took a picture of us. I turned my face to her as soon as we were done as my face went back to its previous state.

fatooma "ro'9aaa smiile for meeee!"
me " fatooma I can't,, im freaking out!"
fatooma " mn shoooo??"
me *whispering* "Lailat el da5laaaaaaaa!"
fatooma *opened her eyes wide* "shit, I forgot about that! What are you wearing ? and R u gonna do it???"
me " first! of course I'm not going to! second my mom bought me lingerie awana, but I secretly brought with me a long sleeve and pants PJ!" *i said that with a proud look on my face*
fatooma " *sighh* call me tomorrow and tell me all about it!"
me " of course ! I'll wake u up WAYd early I promise ;]"
fatooma " I don't mind :),,, omg omg bnshoof ur future husband soon"

My face went blank at that sentence. . . Myyy future husband, what was his name? a7mad, I was so scared of meeting him, afraid of what he might or might not turn out to be. I was a bit excited though, but the excitement was so irrelevant to how scared I was at that moment. And fatooma was able to know what was going in my mind just by looking at my face, so she just hugged me and let go looking at my face searching for a reaction of some sort.

me " fatoomaa"
fatooma " yes?? "
me " I love you :(, ma3rf what I would've done without YOu"
fatooma " hehe I know u do ;)!.. shit ro'9a ur mom is coming a7s she'll scold me she's been glaring at me since I came up , maybe i sat too long!!"
me "heheh! 3ady whatever, sho y3ne she wants me to die alone here! w btw la7a'9tee how none of my aunts came up to take pictures with me? I don't care y3ne whatever, but still wth "
fatooma " elmhm you have a picture with ME! that's all that matters my love, w nw let me run before your mom eats my head! hehe ill be right there watching you ;)"
me " hehe ok :) "

I saw my mom walking towards me as she sat next to me and sighed. then she pointed at a woman near the main entrance.

mom " ro'9a, hay om a7mad, the one wearing red"
me " mmmmm "

She looked like what I expected her to look like, not too chubby but matroosa y3ne, with a classical updo, and an upright posture talking to everybody else with her nose up. mmmm I wonder if a7mad looks like her, she wasn't that pretty, although I was too far away from her to judge.

mom " ro'9a a7een estwat el sa3a 12 w n9, el reyayeel ytrayoon barra3 w bnda5elhm any minute now, w lat5afain kelhm m7arm, mb lazm tet'3a6ain"

My face was expressionless, I did not say a word, but she knew I heard her so she just looked away at the guests. All I could think of at that moment was enna AHHH THEY're coming in! mabaaaaa a5aaaf, this all means that it's getting closer to the eNd of this wedding ! and you know what comes after the wedding!!! the wedding niiiight! But of course, I did not show the fear on my face. My mom held my hand helping me stand up, as all the guests started wearing their 3bi. As soon as everybody in the hall was ready, I inhaled deeply and managed to exhale, his mom came on the stage too. The music stopped, in order to get the music for the men to come in on. And I could see fatooma beside the stairs of the stage waving to me giving me a thumbs up. My heart started beating faster. . .

The music started, and the door started opening, and the men came marching in, you know how they walk chanhm in an army or something. I saw my dad in his bsht, thn Tariq on his right wearing a ko7lee kandoora then 3bdulla in his usual white kandoora on Tariq's right, then on the far left I could see a man I've seen before, I recognized him, he was 3ami 9ale7 alX, modeer my dad looking all formal in his black expensive bsht. My heart beats became faster as my eyes spotted the person between my dad, and 3ami 9ale7 . . .

It was him. . .

Friday, May 29, 2009

Wed-Locked 3

And just like that he stepped out of my room, he left the door open behind him.
My eyes couldn't conceal the tears anymore so they gave in and I couldn't stop crying. I was crying so hard that it was hard to breath, and my insides hurt, I haven't cried like this in years, actually I don't even remember ever crying like this. I wanted to stop crying, but I couldn't, what my dad said tore me apart i just crashed on my bed crying while trying to catch my breath.
I did not want this! Ok 9a7 enna I want to get married but not so soon! I really want to finish Uni, y3ne all this hard work in school and Uni for nothing? w what if a7mad is a really bad guy? what if he pushes me into doing things i do not want to do? and worst, what if he hits me? w plus he's from goum alX, w they're known enna they're rich and such 'show-offs', akeed they're going to look down on me because I'm from an average family. I don't want thiss! mabaaaa

The more I thought about it the more i sobbed, it just seemed to make less sense every time I rewinded what dad had said in my mind. wth ?

My mom came in at the sound of my sobs since the door was open, and i looked up at her with a sorrowful look and continued crying. She sat on my bed waiting for me to gasp air and calm down, which I did eventually, even though the tears in my eyes seemed to be endless.

mom " 9alee 3al nbeee ro'9a"

she said that while not even looking at me, she was staring at the floor, perhaps afraid to look into my eyes.

me *with an angry tone* " mama are u guys serious? mn 9jkm tbooni atzawaj?? w tawni i turned 19 last month?!! mamaa mabaa i don't want to get married to this man i don't even know him!!!"
mom *stood up w looked at me with a furious face* " ro'9a ne7na glnalch mb as an e8tra7! t3arfeen obooch m7taj! w enti sooner or later u'll get married so y not nw!! w 3an el dala3!!!"
me " bs mama .. ."

she didn't even let me complete my sentence as she stormed out of the room angry...channa i'm the one who's supposed to be angry at this moment? Why is everyone against me? I went back to my crying then, I wished for my brothers to interfere with this situation, bs they knew better than to get on my mom's bad side. I felt despised and abandoned by my own family, it didn't make any sense.

I called my best friend, Fatooma, the next morning, since it seemed that she was the only person there for me, it felt like kel7ad around me were robots and not who they really are, so i hopped my fatooma was still who she always was :(

me "Fatooma,, aloo?"
fatooma "roooo'9aaaaaa hiiiiii!! wainchh yesterday i tried messaging u bs maradaity 3alay!!"

I was glad to hear a cheerful voice after the disastrous day I went through, so i blurted everything out to her, hoping that she had an answer to my problem, or should i say DISASTER!

fatooma " WHAAT!! u gotta be kidding mee?? w enti enshalla u said yess?????"
me " fatooma ana maglt shay :(, a9lan they didn't give me a chance to saay anything to begin with, w mn kalamhum it sounded like I had no choice, y3ne they did not give me an option to say no"
fatooma "what ,, sho gltee esma again a7mad al X? lemme search him on facebook!!"
me " FATOOMAA!! that's not the point, i Don't really care fe this guy,, altho 5ayfa menna, but m3rf what's worng with my parents, y3ne maydsh el ras enna they do this to me bs cz of the money.....uuuuh * i started crying*"
fatooma "rooorooo 7beebtyy! dnt cry we'll solve this together.. . . oh!...wait!! ro'9a omggg his dp is hot!"
me " heh,, fatooma r u serious? "
fatooma " walla walla ! bs baaaal born 1982 ,,, y3ne that makes him mmmmmm 26? 7 years difference ! omg ro'9ooo,,,, owaih owaih lets check his friends list! :D"
me " ..."
fatooma "mmm ok ok ro'9a sorryyyyyyy! ,, bs dnt deny that i changed ur mood shwaaay? uf walla i don't know what to say to u hun, i'm just as surprised as u :(,, actually ana mb mstaw3ba,, a7s ur gonna tell me JK any second nw "
me " i wish .. . "
fatooma " mmmmm by5aloonch eteen baitna today???"
me " ma'9n fatooma, w ashkra they wont want me to tell anybody bout this, bs i had to tell u..."
fatooma " ofcourse ana mb anybody"
me " yeh... mmm fatooma thx for being here walla, bs nw i g2g aba ard anam shway"
fatooma " okaaaay ro'9eeeeeee, call me whn u need me :),, or msg me,, or bbm me,, ana hnee for u ! "
me " hehe i will , thx fatyyy,, bye"

I closed my eyes, and got lost in my thoughts and miseries, 7asait enna my family was cloned and replaced by those people that I did not recognize at all. It was scary. . .

O N E . w e e k . L a t e r

mom " RO'9aaa!! LBSEee ur white dress now! 7ermat el mkyaaj is coming an second!!!!!!!!!"

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Wed-Locked 2

Previously on W E D - L O C K E D
......until one day, that day where all my dreams came crashing down

I couldn't breathe . . .
I was speechless . . .

My name is Rodha, and this is my story . . .

It was a beautiful Friday morning, little did I know of what was going to happen later on that day. I woke up earlier than usual that day, at 10 am, I could hear the tv on downstairs and my mom and dad quietly having their morning chat. I approached the living room they were sitting in and they both turned their heads towards me in surprise, it was probably because i woke up too early ( i thought). I kissed my dad on his head, then my mom

me "9abaaa7 el 5aaaaaair my lovelyy mummy n dadyy =D"
dad *cleared his throat* " shoofo mno gayem mnwaagt elyooooum ;) ouuur keshaa daughter"
mom " hehe bask bo 3bdulla, 9abaa7 el noour ro'9oo :)"

and just like that my day started, we had breakfast, w then dad ra7 9alat eljem3a with my two elder brothers Tariq (21), and Abdulla (24), yes I was their only daughter, the metdala3a one you would think, bs no I was not metdal3a at all, even though I was the youngest (19), but bl3aks with my brothers always at work or uni or with their friends, it felt like I was the man of the house.
So the day passed , goum my dad came back from the prayer w b3dain we had the usual Friday lunch, Hamoor mashwee weya this yellow rice thingy( you could tell I never stepped a foot in the kitchen! ), w b3dain everybody headed to their own room, for the afternoon nap. I went into my room w opened my Facebook to check my notifications, then got bored so decided to watch the new episodes I piled up from Grey's Anatomy. After watching two episodes it was almost 6 pm, that is when my dad knocked on my door.

dad " e7m ,, roo'9a ?"
me *putting my Mac on standby and facing the door with a rather surprised expression* " na3aaam baba?? . . . "

he opened the door and was walking towards me

dad *with a sad and worried look on his face* " baba ro'9a, we need to talk"

and that's when he sat on my bed facing me with his eyes looking directly into my eyes.
A MILLION things went through my head at that second! OMg what did I do wrong? My dad never came into my room to talk to me! y3ne he usually sends my mother etha fe shay like when my grandfather died, or talks to me while we are having lunch or something! and why does he look saD?? shoLsalfaa???

me " baba? sho feek?? 3sa ma shar??"
dad " la la mafeeni shay ro'9a lat7ateen, bs b'3ait akalmech fe maw'9oo3, y5e9 your future y3ne"
me *confused out of my MIND!* " my future?"
dad " mmmm baba, t3arfeen 9a7b el shareka elly asht'3l feeha?"
me " uuh 3ami 9ale7 al X?"
dad " haaaih 3alaaich noooor, *sigh* baba ro'9a hatha modeeri yba y36eeenii man9b 3oood fl shareka enna akoon mas2ool 3ala edara kamla,, akoon their manager y3ne, w they give the best payment for hal man9eb! w t3arfeen enti baba kaif ne7na 3na wayd dyooon lazm nsadedha, fa hal man9b wayd mohem w ...."

He just stopped there and looked at me and his eyes started to tear! yes baba's eyes tearing! I haven't seen that since yady(his dad) passed away - allah yr7ma-, like 10 years ago when i was 9. I was worried and confused, I mean those news seem happy? why is he sad?

me " baba sho feek? hal news r very good! why are u crying!??!"
dad " mmm ro'9a bs mdeeri eshtra6 3alay shar6. . . "
me " mmm shar6?"
dad "ehh,, baba ro'9a i don't know a better way to tell you this so i'm just going to say it marra we7da, baba modeeri ybach 7ag welda"
me " ybani? what do you mean ybani?"
dad " ybach, y3ne he wants his son to marry you,, walla ro'9a m3rf sho agoolch bss..."
me " baba what do you mean his son wants to marry me???! a9lan ana ma3arf 7ad goum el X? mno hatha? does he even know me?"

I was confused, I can't deny the little feeling of excitement though, thinking that modeer dad's SON had a crush on me w kan yba ytzawajnee, until those thoughts disappeared with what my dad said next

dad " ro'9a ana bgoolch the whole story, modeeri y3arf eni ensan 3ala gad 7alee, w enni m7taj, tarani m8addem a proposal to raise my salary, fa when he called me to his office one day I thought he would agree to my proposal, bs to my surprise he told me something else....well you see his son esma a7mad al X ysht'3l in the government, w he wants his son for a certain position, w to get to this position lazm certain judges yrash7oon a person for it. So the position yet6allab the murasha7 to be mature, financially, and mn na7yat his personal life, in other words he has to be married w ready to create a family. w hal man9b fl government bysa3d mr. 9ale7's company wayd since we are going through the financial crisis w 7alatna shway ta3bana, y3ne modeeri is pushing his son into this, altho his son does not want to do it. So, he wants you to marry his son, y3ne only for the time being, mat3arfeen shoo bystwee ba3dain ....and "

I could'nt believe my ears, everything after that sounded like a "bla bla bla bla" I was numbed! is this my baba talking? Is he serious? WTF is he thinking?? I'm still in uni! y3ne ana mad5alt AUS eb sehoola! w I thought my education matters?? W mno hatha a7mad ?? w sho mshkelta Mr.9ale7 hatha! Is he out of his mind? Sho ana le3baa bain eedhm!!?? Will my dad just give me up this easily? My face was blank, I just looked at my dad with an absent mind, it felt like a dream, or a nightmare to be precise. What was going on?

wake me up from this nightmare! wake me up!!

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Introduction :)

You know how when you're 7 you start watching Cinderella and Beauty and the Beast and you start fantasizing about your own fairy tale and your wedding and your prince charming? Then you get into your teenage years and watch chick flicks, with all the boyfriend girlfriend thingies, so your dreams grow, and you start thinking about the day you find your own prince in shining armor that would hold you like that, and fall in love with u.

Well, i was one of those girls, always fantasizing about my perfect future wedding, and the perfect future hot husband thats going to love me, cherish me, dale3 me , YOU name it. I actually sat one day and made a list of the characteristics i wanted in him, yes I had expectations and dreams and this whole plan of my future , the perfect future i wanted to have . . .

These dreams allowed me to stay away from guys during high school, y3ne i did not get myself into anything, the other reason I stayed away was because I came from a conservative family, I was brought up this way, enna my reputation is my life! So I took that as an advantage that I would perfect myself for my future perfect husband, I would be pure just for him, I would be the innocent one that had no old experiences whatsoever, that needed the husband to guide me. I dreamed and dreamed. . .

I was so naive, so innocent, i did not know what the world had yet to uncover for me, my life was simple back then, I went to school studied, came back home and buried myself in my romantic novels, but still kept up with my school work. I was always 7aree9a to keep my parents proud of me, I cared about them a lot so I kept my grades up, and I showed them how much i loved them by abiding by their rules, they taught me a lot, and never asked me for anything until one day, that day where all my dreams came crashing down

I couldn't breathe . . .
I was speechless . . .

My name is Rodha, and this is my story . . .